


Connor is an idiot

by Notiliah



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Connor is a lil insecure, Connor is oblivious, First Date, M/M, Misunderstanding, North wants Connor to get his ass ate, RK900 is called Conrad, and cute, and hes rlly sweet, but oblivious
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 16:56:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15393258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notiliah/pseuds/Notiliah
Summary: Connor is pretty sure Conrad wants to ruin his life.Conrad is pretty sure he wants Connor for the rest of his life.Hank is pretty sure Connor is the biggest idiot he knows.





	Connor is an idiot

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my first language, but I love RK1700 so much it was about time I posted something. (Even though it sucks)

Connor was angrily typing away on his computer, making a few dissatisfied noises from time to time. Hank was a little too tired to be worried about his partner this early in the morning, but he had never actually seen Connor this irritated before. He took a sip from his coffee and sighed.

“Con, tell me what’s wrong.”

Connor’s fingers froze and his frown deepened terribly, shooting Hank a murderous look. “Nothing is wrong.”

“You look like you’re about to kill someone.” Hank observed silently. “And then piss on their grave.”

“I do not have any plans to commit murder.” Connor muttered, the irritation clear in his voice. 

“Yet.” Hank said when he saw Gavin walk by.

Connor couldn’t help but let out a tiny smile, before he went back to frowning. 

“Okay stubborn little child, either you tell me what’s up or I’m going to stress you out to the point you blurt it out.” Hank warned Connor, raising an eyebrow when he heard a childish huff escape Connor’s lips.

“It’s- It’s Conrad! He’s driving me nuts.” Connor gritted his teeth. “Ever since I asked him if he wanted to live with me he’s been teasing me and doing weird things!”

“The RK900 model?” Hank asked surprised. “I thought you two got along after you turned it deviant.”

“We did!” Connor said with a groan.

“What exactly is he doing wrong?” Hank asked, almost 100% sure Connor was either overreacting or misunderstood the whole situation.

“He keeps coming into my personal space and I think he’s doing it to tease my height.” Connor began, shaking his head. “He’s taller and stronger so he’s obviously poking fun at me.”

“Obviously?” Hank wondered out loud.

“Yes, why else would he do that?” Connor asked. “He hugs me from behind and puts an arm around my shoulder and he ruffles my hair! All these actions are clearly to point out how much taller he is than me and that he towers over me.”

“Or he’s just being affectionate.” Hank suggested, wanting to burst out laughing at Connor’s confused expression. Connor seemed to be processing something with a frustrated expression, so Hank continued. “What else?”

“Buying ridiculous things to put in the apartment.” Connor continued, still looking troubled. “He got me flowers which he knows will die and cause a mess. He knows I hate it when the apartment is messy.”

Hank groaned and wanted to hide his face in his hands. For such a developed android, Connor was extremely oblivious.

“-and then he got me a sweater and said it suited me very well. He’s trying to hint that my detective uniform doesn’t suit me and that I should throw it out and wear something else! He wants my position and will do anything for it.”

“I thought Conrad said he wasn’t interested in police work and works at the bookstore near your apartment.” Hank pointed out. Connor frowned and shrugged. “He does but- it’s obvious! It’s all obvious.”

“Or he just gave you a really nice gift because he genuinely thought the sweater suited you?” Hank snorted.

“Hank what other intention could he possibly have?” Connor asked desperately, as if the answer would help him solve the biggest case of the year.

“Maybe, and this is just my speculation, he has the hots for you.” Hank said carefully, giving Connor time to process it.

“You think he has romantic feelings for me...” Connor said surprised.

“Oh yeah, a shit ton of feelings too.” Hank said, taking his coffee and taking a big gulp. “Now I have no clue how android go about dating and stuff, but he’s doing textbook human courting stuff. Getting you flowers and gifts and giving you hugs and stuff. Next step is asking you on a date, unless he’s already done that and you were too oblivious to notice.”

“He asked me to accompany him to the movies tonight.” Connor muttered with a horrified expression. “That’s why he looked so happy when I said yes... it all makes sense now.”

“Well, looks like you accidently accepted a date.” Hank laughed, putting his empty coffee cup down.

“Hank I have no clue how human courting works and I am slightly panicking.” Connor suddenly blurted out, his LED going yellow.

“Calm down, calm down.” Hank said with a wince, feeling like he was giving a teenager dating advice. “First thing’s first, do you like him too or...”

“My feelings for Conrad are complicated and I do not know how to define them.” Connor admitted after thinking for a while. 

“Well, do you find the idea of dating him unpleasant?” Hank asked, taking his phone from his pocket. 

“I.. would not find it unpleasant.” Connor admitted. “But I’m not sure if I have romantic feelings.”

“That’s what dates are for.” Hank pointed out, typing something on his phone with a thoughtful expression. “You go and have a nice little date, get to know each other and see where it takes. I say let Conrad lead the date and just go with it.”

“I do not like situations where I do not have full control.” Connor mumbled.

“I know, but Conrad asked you on a date, so he probably has everything planned out already. Let him do what he gotta do and see how you feel about it.” Hank said. “It’s not like you two are going to solve a case together or something. It’s okay to not have control from time to time.”

“No, that would be a terrible scenario for a date.” Connor frowned, shaking his head. “Alright fine, if it’s for one night I will let him lead for now.”

“Alright.” Hank nodded, satisfied with Connor’s cooperation. “Now we just need to get you ready for the date.”

Connor blinked and laughed. “Get ready? I look fine like this.” “Yes we know you have seven pairs of the same outfit and wear the same thing every day, but when people go on dates they try to look their best.” Hank pointed out.

“Are you suggesting I don’t look my best right now?” Connor asked with a frown.

“You want my honest opinion? Con you look like a tron character.” Hank pointed out, making Connor roll his eyes. “Says the old man in the hippy shirt.”

“Alright point taken, but this isn’t about me right now.” Hank grunted, looking down at his beloved patterned shirt. “Conrad has an obvious taste in fashion since he’s become deviant, I’ve seen the guy only a few times and every time he looks like one of those teens who can get away with wearing whatever they want. In other words, the guy knows about fashion.”

“So to win his affection I have to alter myself?” Connor asked with a frown.

“I’m not saying you have to alter anything.” Hank said quickly when he realized where Connor was hinting at. “It’s obvious the guy likes you like.. like this.” Hank said, making a hand motion at Connor. “God Connor I’m bad at explaining this shit, okay? He likes you for being Connor, so let’s say you are a waffle.”

Connor squinted his eyes questionably, but motioned for Hank to continue. “Conrad likes you, the waffle, a lot. That’s the whole thing right? A waffle can’t be a waffle without the.. the waffle.”

“Yes.” Connor agreed thoughtfully.

“But when we dress you up al prettily for your date it’s like.. putting syrup on the waffle. Making it a bit more appealing. But without the waffle, syrup is just syrup but Conrad is here for the waffle. I know that makes no sense.” Hank groaned when he could almost hear Connor’s circuits going crazy trying to decipher whatever Hank tried to say here.

“No actually, I think I get it now.” Connor said suddenly. 

“Thank fuck.” Hank groaned, putting his phone down. “I found some luxury clothes shop nearby. You want to go there after work? I also texted North and asked her to come.” North and Hank had developed an unusual friendship after the revolution, and Hank thought she might be better at going clothes shopping for a date than he was. “I appreciate your help Hank.” Connor said with a smile, genuinely thankful for his friend. 

Hank smiled and couldn’t help himself from feeling a burst of happiness. It was weird to call the android he hated so much in the beginning his friend, but it was possibly the best thing that had happened to him in the past few years. “Don’t mention it.”

_______________________

Connor bit his lip and patiently waited for North to pick out an outfit for him. They had been in the store for at least an hour now, and the woman was still picking up clothes left and right without making a final decision. Hank was sitting on one of the chairs in the store after North ordered him to keep his mouth shut and sit down after he had picked an horrendous outfit for Connor. Connor was just ordered to stand still.

“Well shit.” North cursed, looking at Connor and back to the clothes in her hands. “I’m honestly stuck with what to pick.”

“Maybe we need to think about what kind of message we want the outfit to tell.” Hank offered to North, who nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, you’re right! Connor what do you want your outfit to be like?”

“I… Don’t know.” Connor muttered, feeling a bit panicked.

“Do you want Conrad to think you’re attractive or do you want him to think you’re sexy as fuck?” North asked, putting the mountain of clothes in her hands down.

“I uhh.. I don’t want to have sex on the first date.” Connor decided carefully with a bit of embarrassment. North rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Of course not, the reason why you would go for a sexy outfit is to make him work for it. Make him all distracted and bothered. Make him go on his knees for you and do everything to win you.” North said with such determination that made Connor feel powerful. He glanced at Hank who shrugged and nodded at him, as if giving him the final push.

“I… I would like that.” Connor admitted shyly, surprised by his own desire. North smirked and seemed pleased with herself. “I knew you weren’t just some boring ass puppy that listened to everything he is told.” She said, quickly going back to looking at clothes. “Oh we are going to make Conrad beg to be in the same room for you!”

“Don’t go overboard now.” Hank warned North slightly, looking at the thong in her hands with a slightly panicked expression.  
“Hank just trust me.” North said, putting the thong back. “Connor do you mind wearing something see through?”

“I suppose I don’t.” Connor said after thinking about it.

“Or maybe that won’t suit you.. hmm..” North squinted her eyes. “We definitely need to take advantage of your legs though. Skinny jeans it is.” She picked up a pair of heavily ripped skinny jeans and held it in front of Connor, looking him up and down. “OH yes! Fuck Hank we also need some eyeliner on him, what do you think?” She said suddenly, turning to him. Hank raised an eyebrow and looked at Connor as if he couldn’t imagine the poor android with makeup on. “Are you sure?”

“Trust me.” North said again, turning back to Connor. “Do you mind?”

“I don’t mind.” Connor admitted. Makeup was just a temporary thing. “I can change my skin and put it on.”

North nodded and continued looking for clothes. “You go do that, make sure it’s subtle but a little bit noticeable.”

“Alright.” Connor walked to a mirror and looked in it, changing his face a few times and going through different eyeliner styles before he found what North must have wanted. “Done.. I think.”

He turned and looked at North, who shot him the same smirk from earlier. “Oh yes, Connor after this you can’t go back to that boring police uniform ever again.”

“This is just a one-time thing.” Connor said with slight panic.

“We’ll see how you feel once you get into the outfit.” North said as if she was sure he was going to love it. Hank just sighed and looked at Connor eyes, trying to see the subtle eyeliner.

“Well, your eyes do look a bit more noticeable now.” He admitted. “I can hardly see it, but you do look a bit.. different.”

“That’s exactly what we want. His best features should stand out.” North said from the back of the store, going through another mountain of clothes. 

“What are my best features exactly?” Connor asked curiously, looking at the mirror again.

“I would say your eyes and your legs.” North hummed thoughtfully. “And maybe your ass.”

Connor blushed and Hank coughed, both of them feeling embarrassed while North just laughed. “Trust me Connor, because of that ugly jacket of yours no one ever sees it. But it is there.”

“Oh god.” Connor muttered, putting his head in his hands. 

“Well, a fine ass is a fine ass.” Hank agreed after a while, making Connor even more embarrassed. “Hank!”

North was getting a bit frustrated with the clothes and sighed, turning to the store clerk who she ignored at first when he asked if she needed help. “I’m looking for an oversized sweater that’s just a tiny bit revealing.”

The clerk’s eyes lit up and he quickly started looking for what she asked him. 

Connor felt a bit nervous because it was almost nine and he was meeting up with Conrad at ten. He knew Hank told him to just let Conrad lead everything, but Connor was losing his confidence bit by bit. What if he didn’t know what to say? What if he made himself look like an idiot?

It wasn’t a secret that Connor felt bad about himself next to Conrad. The guy was literally an upgraded version of himself, faster and better at everything. Although, after the guy went deviant, he showed no interest in taking advantage of these things. Conrad was taller and in Connor’s eyes prettier and more handsome than him. Conrad just felt like a god while Connor felt like a bland version of him.

He knew those were just his own insecurities because Conrad had never tried to make it clear he was better than him. He had never tried to best Connor in anything and even told him that he looked up to Connor a lot. He also praised Connor’s achievements and work at the DPD. He made Connor feel good about himself, but Connor also couldn’t help his own stupid feelings after become deviant.

“Alright the outfit is done.” North returned to stand in front of Connor, holding out the skinny jeans and an oversized knit sweater that was just a little bit see through. She also got a pair of boots that went well with the whole outfit and she motioned for Connor to go put it on.

“That took us way longer than needed. If we went with my outfit we would’ve been out here within minutes.” Hank grunted to North who came to sit next to him.

“You were going to make him look like he was going gardening instead of going on a date.” North said, crossing her legs. “I must admit, I’m proud of myself.”

“For what? Giving the most stubborn android on earth a makeover?” Hank asked. North smiled and simply nodded. “Yes pretty much. We can’t allow him to ever look bland after this again. This was a much needed change.”

“I’m pretty sure Connor will get fired if he came to work looking like he wants to be bend over.” Hank pointed out, the two of them patiently waiting for Connor to come out of the dressing room.

“Oh imagine all the little human police officers on their knees for Connor! We definitely need to send him to the station in a pair of booty shorts now.” North smirked. Hank shuddered and wished North would quickly forget about this before she became determined to do it.

“Uh.. I think I’m done.” Connor mumbled, stepping out of the dressing room.

North and Hank stared at the android with big eyes. He definitely looked like someone who would never have to pay for his own drink at a bar. North got up and admired her hard work with a big smile, ruffling Connor’s hair to make it look a bit wild and fucked up, completing the look. “Oh fuck me I would honestly ask you out myself.” North whistled, making Connor blush lightly. “Listen Connor, you are the hottest guy in town right now and you are going to make Conrad work his ass off to make you satisfied, okay?”

Connor nodded and North smiled even brighter. “Oh this is probably the best thing I’ve done all week. Next time you need clothes you should definitely call me again.”

“I will consider that.” Connor mumbled, checking himself out in the mirror and feeling strangely satisfied with how he looked. He tried to fix the sweater that was slowly sliding off of his shoulder.

“Oh no, it’s supposed to look like that. Makes it more seductive.” North said, batting Connor’s hand away. “And look at your ass in those jeans! Wait I need to send Markus a pic.” He whipped out her phone and took a picture before Connor could protest. “North please don’t-“

Connor felt betrayed when he heard Hank’s flash go off too, shooting the man a glare. “What? I need to show the guys at work this for sure.” Hank said with a laugh. 

“I hate you both so much.” Connor grumbled, folding his arms. “I need to get going.”

“Do you want us to come with you and sit in the back or something?” Hank offered when he noticed Connor’s nervous twitching.

“NO! Oh please don’t.” Connor begged when he saw North’s eyes twinkle.

“Fine, but if he does something weird or you need saving, call us.” North said, putting a hand on Connor’s shoulder. “I mean it.”

“Yeah I will.” Connor said with a smile. “Thank you, both of you…”

“Enough of that, you go grab the bus before you make Conrad wait.” Hank said, getting up from his seat and going to stand next to North. Connor nodded and motioned at the clerk so he could pay for the outfit. 

“So.. about those booty shorts.” North said, looking at Hank.

“North NO.”


End file.
